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• The farm was used to produce produce.
• The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
• We must polish the Polish furniture.
• He could lead if he would get the lead out.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• The buck does funny things when does are present.
• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

At a Catholic gathering, Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, 

"Take only one apple please - God is watching." 

On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies which a student had placed a sign on saying, 

"Take all the cookies you want - God is watching the apples."
 

A woman hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring. 

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. 

He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" 

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. 

The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!" 
 

1. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug. ANSWER

2. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? ANSWER

3. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? ANSWER
 

In a country home that seldom had guests, a young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests.  When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. 

The boy came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. 

This was too much for the boy, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size!"
 

Auto Repair Service. 
Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

WHEN THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY...
DON'T PUT IT INTO WORDS

ELOQUENCE IS STUNNING... IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING

THOUGHTS TAKE ON A NEW EXPRESSION WHEN THEY'RE SKETCHED IN OTHER WORDS

ATTITUDE SAYS IT ALL... WITHOUT A WORD

More facts

The farmer from Texas was traveling through Vermont and stopped to talk to a local farmer.

"How large of an acreage do you cultivate?" the Texan asked.

"Oh, it's pretty big," the Vermonter replaied. "My farm extends for about a hundred yards in that direction and for nearly a hundred-twenty yards in that. And how large an acreage do you handle?" 

The Texan smiled. 

"Back home," he said, "I have a ranch with my house located at one end. I can get into my truck at the house in the morning, turn the ignition key, step on the gas, and by the end of the day I still won't have reached the other end."

The Vermont farmer nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, that's tough. I once had a truck like that,  too."
 

Two farmers decide to collect watermelons from all the surrounding farms and pay the farmers 50 cents per melon. 

They rent a truck, load up the watermelons and drive to the big city, 400 miles away.  They sell the entire truck load of melons, 2 for $1.00. 

On the way home one farmer says to the other, "You know, we really didn't make too much money.  How do you figure it?" 

The other one answers, "We gotta get a bigger truck."

1. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug. 
2. Charcoal. 
3. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!