Where Oliver Found His Place
by Michael Hofferber. Copyright © 2006. All rights reserved.

Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor in Green Acres
Oliver Wendell Douglas finds the Haney Place advertised in The Farm Gazette, which he picks up from a news stand while on a business trip to Chicago. Compelled by a deep-rooted urge, he decides to go have a look. To get there, he changes planes twice, takes a bus from the county seat to Pixley, then hops on a train known as "The Cannonball" for the last leg of his journey. When he gets off in the town of Hooterville, he breaks into song:

Green acres is the place to be,
Farm living is the life for me.

Dressed in an expensive three-piece suit, the Manhattan attorney with a Harvard Law School degree purchases the 160-acre farmstead and is determined, at last, to be the farmer of his dreams.

Land spreading out, so far and wide...

Back home in his Park Avenue penthouse, where his wife Lisa waits for him, Oliver has been growing crops in containers on the terrace. Earlier, he was fired from his first law firm appointment when he was caught growing mushrooms in his desk drawer.

Keep Manhattan, just give me the countryside.

Lisa is a glamorous socialite with a thick Hungarian accent. She's quite at home in the big city, with its bright lights and fashionable restaurants. She sings:

New York is where I'd rather stay.

Oliver's mother agrees. Her son has obviously lost his mind. She tells Lisa to leave Oliver and come live at her penthouse. Lisa is tempted.

I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.

Where, in Hooterville, will she find people to talk to about fashion, about movies, about museums and culture? Lisa was raised to be an urbanite, not a farm wife. She can't even cook!

Darling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue.

Oliver isn't listening. He's too enamored of country life. He just loves pitching hay and riding around the farm in his Fordson model F tractor. In his elation, he raises his pitchfork and cries out:

The Chores!

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