A woman sits down at the bar and says "Make mine a double."
The bartender says, "Okay, what'll it be?"
The woman says, "Entendre."
So the bartender gives it to her.
Two guys walk into a bar...
You'd think the second one would've ducked.
Men Drinking at Bar (1943)
A physicist walks into a bar...
He orders a beer and turns to the empty stool next to him and offers it a beer. He finishes his drink and then leaves.
The next day the physicist returns to the bar, orders a beer, and offers a beer to the empty stool next to him before finishing his drink and
This continues on for a week before the bartender finally asks, "Why do you keep offering that stool a beer?"
The physicist explains: "The laws of physics dictate that there is a slight possibility that at some point the matter above this stool could reform into a beautiful woman, who would then accept the drink."
The bartender replies: "Look, buddy, this bar is full of beautiful women. Why not see if they will accept your drink?"
The physicist laughs. "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?"
A guy is sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He's been like that for half an hour.
Now, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and chugs it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just messing with you... Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that," the man says "This day is the worst of my life. First, I was late to work and my boss fired me. When I left the building and went to my car, I found out it was stolen.
“The police said they couldn't do anything. I got a cab to return home and after it dropped me off I remembered I left my wallet and credit cards in there. The cab driver just drove away.
"I go into my home and find my wife in bed with the gardener.
"So, I left home and come to this bar.
“And just as I was getting ready to put an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A cowboy walks into a bar, dressed from head to toe in paper. His hat is a paper bag, his vest is paper, his chaps are paper. Pretty soon he's arrested for rustling.
A man walks into a bar and orders six shots of vodka. He lines them up in a row and downs the first glass, then the third glass and finally the fifth glass.
Then he stands up and starts to leave the bar.
“Excuse me,” says the bartender. “But you left three of the glasses of vodka untouched.”
The man replies, “I know… My doctor says it’s okay to have the odd drink.”
The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
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