Farm Fresh!
Food and Farm Humor

Say What?

Where do sheep get their hair cut? 
At the baa-ber shop.

Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baahamas.

What do you get when you cross a bee with a quarter pound of beef?
A humburger.

What did the farmer say to the sheep?
Hey, ewe!

What is a cheerleader's favorite soft drink? 
Root beer!

What do you call a bull taking a nap?
A bulldozer.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

How do you count a herd of cows?

With a cow-culator.

Where do cows go on dates?
To the moo-vies.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

What do sea monsters eat for dinner?
Fish and ships.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Seen the movie Constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.

What does a shark eat for lunch?
A peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich.

What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A lawn-mooer.

Where does the farmer wash his livestock?
At the hogwash.

What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
Scream of Wheat

When are cooks cruel?
When they beat the eggs and whip the cream.

What can be served but never eaten?
A tennis ball.

What do baseball players eat on?
Home plates!

What did the zen-master say to the New York City hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Why were the little strawberries upset?
Because their parents were in a jam!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To avoid Colonel Sanders

Why did the farmer cross the road?
To catch his chickens

Why did the acorns cross the road?
Because they were nuts

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?
Getting the scoop!

Why are seagulls called seagulls?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be called bagels!

Chemistry Labe

What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon.

Why did the lazy man apply for a job in the bakery?
Because he fancied a long loaf.

What feature runs in your family?

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

Why did the circus lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well balanced meal.

Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?
He stole a free sample.

How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.

How many apples are grown on an apple tree?
All of them.

Farmer: Is my pig going to be ok?
Vet: Of course. Just apply the oinkment. I ham so sorry. I don't know what's bacon me say these things.

Apples Hanging on Tree

Cow-Versation Sock
Cow-Versation Sock

Pissing at the Moon
Pissing at the Moon

Cow Balloon
Cow Balloon

The Importance of Being Earnest
The Importance of Being Earnest

Sex in the City
Sex and the City - The Complete First Four Seasons
Lily Tomlin
The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe
My Pants Are Haunted
My Pants Are Haunted

Fever Pitch
Fever Pitch

Running with Scissors
Running with Scissors


I Heart Huckabees
I Heart Huckabees

The First Wives Club
The First Wives Club


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