Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baahamas.

What do you get when you cross a bee with a quarter pound of beef?
A humburger.

What did the farmer say to the sheep?
Hey, ewe!

What is a cheerleader's favorite soft drink? 
Root beer!

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

What does a shark eat for lunch?
A peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich.

What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A lawn-mooer.

Where does the farmer wash his livestock?
At the hogwash.

What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
Scream of Wheat

When are cooks cruel?
When they beat the eggs and whip the cream.

What can be served but never eaten?
A tennis ball.

What do baseball players eat on?
Home plates!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To avoid Colonel Sanders

Why did the farmer cross the road?
To catch his chickens

Why did the acorns cross the road?
Because they were nuts

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?
Getting the scoop!

Why are seagulls called seagulls?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be called bagels!

What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon.

Why did the lazy man apply for a job in the bakery?
Because he fancied a long loaf.

What feature runs in your family?
Noses.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

Why did the circus lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well balanced meal.

Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?
He stole a free sample.

How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.