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Sage Advice

  • When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
  • Never refuse a breath mint when offered.
  • If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person.
  • When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat Crow while it's still warm.
  • Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
Pissing at the Moon by Pieter the Younger Brueghel If Life Gives You Melons.... t-shirt
Pissing at the Moon                    Life Gives You Melons

  • If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
  • Work is good, but it's not that important.
  • Life is like a penis; sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
  • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • Not matter how well you knit, looking at your work too closely isn't helpful; it's like kissing with your eyes open: nobody looks that good close up. (Things I Learned From Knitting... Whether I Wanted To or Not)
  • Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
  • Babysitters are like used cars. You never know what you're going to get. (Peanuts Guide to Life)
  • Never lick ice cream off a hot sidewalk. (Peanuts Guide to Life)
  • There's nothing that can harm a person more than too much formal education. (Peanuts Guide to Life)
  • Never give up on your dreams; keep sleeping.
  • Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out. (John Wooden)
  • Study tip: stand up, stretch, take a walk, go to the airport, get on a plane, never return.
  • If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

Things I Learnd from Knitting
Things I Learned From Knitting... Whether I Wanted To or Not

Peanuts Guide to Life
Peanuts Guide to Life
Wit and Wisdom from the World's Favorite Cartoon Characters by Charles M. Schulz

fridge magne

Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty

If you encounter any similarly humorous sage advice, please forward to...

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