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Sign on a delivery van for "Grandma's Bakery"
below a picture of an elderly woman: YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY BUNS! contributed by Phil Marquardt
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Sign in tourist shop window: SORRY WE'RE CLOSED PLEASE SHOVE MONEY UNDER DOOR contributed by Michael E. McGregor
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Sign at a traffic court: DON'T COMPLAIN JUST THINK OF ALL THE TICKETS YOU DESERVED BUT DIDN'T GET! ! Sign in a restaurant: OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS ! Sign in a men's clothing store: 15 MEN'S WOOL SUITS $10. THEY WON'T LAST AN HOUR! ! Sign in a shop window: OUR MOTTO IS TO GIVE OUR CUSTOMERS THE LOWEST POSSIBLE PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP ! Sign on an Electrician's truck: LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS ! Sign outside a Radiator Repair Shop: BEST PLACE IN TOWN TO TAKE A LEAK ! Sign in a Non-smoking area: IF WE SEE YOU SMOKING WE WILL ASSUME YOU ARE ON FIRE AND TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION ! Sign on Maternity Room door: PUSH, PUSH, PUSH ! Sign on a scientist's door: GONE FISSION ! Sign in a Podiatrist's window: TIME WOUNDS ALL HEALS ! Sign at a Used Car Lot: SECOND HAND CARS IN FIRST CRASH CONDITION ! Sign at a Car Dealership: THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET -- MISS A CAR PAYMENT ! Sign outside a Muffler Shop: NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY. WE'LL HEAR YOU COMING ! Sign at an Auto Body Shop: MAY WE HAVE THE NEXT DENTS? ! Sign at a Dry Cleaners DROP YOUR PANTS HERE ! Sign on a Music Teacher's door: OUT CHOPIN ! Sign in a Beauty Shop: DYE NOW! ! Sign on the side of a Garbage Truck: WE'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO TAKE WHAT YOU'VE GOT ! Sign on the door of a Computer Store: OUT FOR A QUICK BYTE ! Sign in a Restaurant Window: DON'T STAND THERE A BE HUNGRY; COME IN AND GET FED UP ! Sign inside a Bowling Alley: PLEASE BE QUIET. WE NEED TO HEAR A PIN DROP. ! Sign in a Cafeteria: SHOES ARE REQUIRED TO EAT IN THE CAEFTERIA. SOCKS CAN EAT ANYPLACE THEY WANT ! Sign on the door of a Music Library BACK IN A MINUET ! Sign in front of a Funeral Home: DRIVE CAREFULLY. WE'LL WAIT. ! Sign in a Counselor's office: GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY. GROWING WISE IS OPTIONAL ! Sign at a gas station: WE WILL NOT SELL GAS TO ANYONE IN A GLASS CONTAINER. ! Sign at a loan company: ASK US ABOUT OUR PLANS FOR OWNING YOUR HOME ! Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS ! Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS. ! Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS ! Sign on a front door: EVERYONE ON THE PREMISES IS A VEGETARIAN EXCEPT THE DOG ! Sign at an Optometrist's Office: IF YOU DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. ! Sign in a Taxidermist's window: WE REALLY KNOW OUR STUFF ! Sign in a Butcher's window: LET ME MEAT YOUR NEEDS ! Sign on another Butcher's window: PLEASED TO MEAT YOU! ! Sign in a veterinarian's office: ALL CHILDREN LEFT UNATTENDED WILL BE GIVEN A FREE KITTEN ! Sign on a Fence: SALESMEN WELCOME. DOG FOOD IS EXPENSIVE. ! Notice in a Veterinarian's Waiting Room: BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES. SIT! STAY! ! Sign in a gas station: COKE -- 49 CENTS. TWO FOR A DOLLAR |
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