Farm Fresh!
Smile Signs

Sign in front of a nursery:
Smile Signs
!
Sign on a delivery van for "Grandma's Bakery"
below a picture of an elderly woman:

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY BUNS!
contributed by Phil Marquardt
!
Sign in tourist shop window:
SORRY WE'RE CLOSED
PLEASE SHOVE MONEY UNDER DOOR
contributed by Michael E. McGregor
!
Sign in restaurant:
Car Salesman Parking Only
!
Sign at a traffic court:
DON'T COMPLAIN
JUST THINK OF ALL THE TICKETS YOU DESERVED
BUT DIDN'T GET!
!
Sign in a restaurant:
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS
!
Sign in a men's clothing store:
15 MEN'S WOOL SUITS $10. THEY WON'T LAST AN HOUR!
 !
Sign in a shop window:
OUR MOTTO IS TO GIVE OUR CUSTOMERS THE LOWEST POSSIBLE PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP
!
Sign on an Electrician's truck:
LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS
!
Sign outside a Radiator Repair Shop:
BEST PLACE IN TOWN TO TAKE A LEAK
!
Sign in a Non-smoking area:
IF WE SEE YOU SMOKING WE WILL ASSUME YOU ARE ON FIRE AND TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION
!
Sign at a construction site:
Utility Knife
WHOEVER TOOK MY UTILITY KNIFE, I WANT IT BACK
(Cut out) IT WAS ME.
!
Sign on Maternity Room door:
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH
!
Sign on a scientist's door:
GONE FISSION
!
Sign in a Podiatrist's window:
TIME WOUNDS ALL HEALS
!
Sign in an Emergency Room
WAITING IS GOOD. IT MEANS YOU ARE NOT NEAR DEATH.
THE PERSON TO FEEL SORRY FOR IS BEING RUSHED INTO ER AND TREATED FIRST.
!
Sign at a Used Car Lot:
SECOND HAND CARS IN FIRST CRASH CONDITION
!
Sign at a Car Dealership:
THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET -- MISS A CAR PAYMENT
!
Sign outside a Muffler Shop:
NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY. WE'LL HEAR YOU COMING
!
Sign at an Auto Body Shop:
MAY WE HAVE THE NEXT DENTS?
!
Sign at a Dry Cleaners
DROP YOUR PANTS HERE
!
Sign on a Music Teacher's door:
OUT CHOPIN
!
Sign in a Beauty Shop:
DYE NOW!
!
Sign on the side of a Garbage Truck:
WE'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO TAKE WHAT YOU'VE GOT
!
Sign on the door of a Computer Store:
OUT FOR A QUICK BYTE
!
Sign in a Restaurant Window:
DON'T STAND THERE A BE HUNGRY; COME IN AND GET FED UP
!
Sign inside a Bowling Alley:
PLEASE BE QUIET. WE NEED TO HEAR A PIN DROP.
!
Sign in a Cafeteria:
SHOES ARE REQUIRED TO EAT IN THE CAEFTERIA. SOCKS CAN EAT ANYPLACE THEY WANT
!
Sign on the door of a Music Library
BACK IN A MINUET
!
Sign in front of a Funeral Home:
DRIVE CAREFULLY. WE'LL WAIT.
!
Sign in a Counselor's office:
GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY. GROWING WISE IS OPTIONAL
!
Sign at a gas station:
WE WILL NOT SELL GAS TO ANYONE IN A GLASS CONTAINER.
!
Sign at a loan company:
ASK US ABOUT OUR PLANS FOR OWNING YOUR HOME
!
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
!
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING.  NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
!
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
!
Sign on a front door:
EVERYONE ON THE PREMISES IS A VEGETARIAN EXCEPT THE DOG
!
Sign at an Optometrist's Office:
IF YOU DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
!
Sign in a Taxidermist's window:
WE REALLY KNOW OUR STUFF
!
Sign in a Butcher's window:
LET ME MEAT YOUR NEEDS
!
Sign on another Butcher's window:
PLEASED TO MEAT YOU!
!
Sign in a veterinarian's office:
ALL CHILDREN LEFT UNATTENDED WILL BE GIVEN A FREE KITTEN
!
Sign on a Fence:
SALESMEN WELCOME. DOG FOOD IS EXPENSIVE.
!
Notice in a Veterinarian's Waiting Room:
BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES. SIT! STAY!
!
Sign in a gas station:
COKE -- 49 CENTS. TWO FOR A DOLLAR

Heard
a Good One?

Please contribute any jokes, stories, news clips or other humorous items regarding food, farming, rural life or shopping to this page via e-mail to...
Farm Fresh!




A Smile in the Mind
by Beryl McAlhone 
Signs
Handmade and Customized
Signs

Funny
Funny


Thank You for Smoking
Thank You for Smoking

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Quick Change
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Car Salesman Parking Only
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