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Food and Farm Humor 

Diet Tips for the Holidays

If no one sees you eat it, it has no fat or calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.

Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, brandy and ice cream.

Touching a skinny person gives them all the calories.

Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel.

Movie Night Care Package Food Basket
Movie Night Care Package Food Basket

Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

If you eat the food off someone else's plate, the calories don't count.

If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.

Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Reach for the Cookies
Reach for the Cookies
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